im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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