You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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