two words: eviction party
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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