I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize