what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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