The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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