You can't special order awesome
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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