Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
