...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
