nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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