his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
