How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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