his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
