I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
