Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize