Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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