Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
