I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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