The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
