I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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