she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I died a long time ago.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cockslap morals
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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