Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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