Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize