I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
