and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
