If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
