once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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