im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
