his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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