my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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