you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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