you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jerry, you need to find god
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
