i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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