Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
