Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's blow job season.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
