I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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