She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
