Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just had sex bonerless
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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