i don't like sucking hair
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
