He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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