She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
