i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
