Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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