no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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