woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MIDGETS
????
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
