Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
