I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am one with the molecules
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
