My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there was a trapeze. enough said
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
