You're so nebulous sometimes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
