I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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