My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
