Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
