I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
