I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boobs speak an international language.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
