i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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