He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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