I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
