Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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