They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
