At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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