god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
