Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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