note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
