Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize