Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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