I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
