Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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