I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's shark week go big or go home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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