You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize