we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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