I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize