I just pynch a tree in the face
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
