There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
