I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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