NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
