If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
