I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
