and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
