We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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