i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
