Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
