Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
