A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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