This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
