I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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