In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
