Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
