At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
