Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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