I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
