Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as a side note pls kill me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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