your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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