if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
