You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
