I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
