Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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