I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
time to smoke my breakfast
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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