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Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
