So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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