i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
