Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
